Right now, I have the sense of epiphany sans the manic energy. I am just, plain old thankful.
I am still homesick and longing to return. The days are still rewarding yet tiring. I still don't have a workshop or studio set up. I am miles and miles away from the ocean. I am still unsure of various aspects of the future. I still struggle with getting enough sleep, and finding enough energy for the day. Yet, right now, I am able to be in a state of genuine and peaceful thankfulness. I have been blessed this last week with some good conversations with old friends and current friends. I have been able to watch my niece start to take the first moves towards crawling. I have napped in the sun, like a cat, with my sister's children dog-piled on top of me. It's the closest thing I've felt to being a dad. I am thankful, yet it's not just these experiences that cause my thankfulness. I believe that God is growing my capacity for thankfulness. I would say that I am learning to be thankful, but that would over emphasize my own participation in what I am being taught. Simply put, I feel that part of my mind/heart/soul that I has secretly numbed, has since awoken with feeling and recognition.
Tonight, I am thankful for the small blessings of this last week, as well as the big ones. I am thankful that I am able to recognize some of them right now. I am thankful for the lessons I'm being taught by the struggles of the last year. I am thankful for the knowledge that I can pray to the God that created the universe and that He listens. One of the amazing things about faith, is that one can be taught the same lesson over and over again, with increasing levels of understanding and growth. And it feels good to be able to see a part of your heart that is being worked on. It is like watching the artistry of a surgeon, while you are the patient, or like a piece of pottery being able to recognize its maker's hands as it is formed. No rush of emotional energy, no disappointment. A simple place of peace and thankfulness. What it would be like to be here for a whole day.
I am still homesick and longing to return. The days are still rewarding yet tiring. I still don't have a workshop or studio set up. I am miles and miles away from the ocean. I am still unsure of various aspects of the future. I still struggle with getting enough sleep, and finding enough energy for the day. Yet, right now, I am able to be in a state of genuine and peaceful thankfulness. I have been blessed this last week with some good conversations with old friends and current friends. I have been able to watch my niece start to take the first moves towards crawling. I have napped in the sun, like a cat, with my sister's children dog-piled on top of me. It's the closest thing I've felt to being a dad. I am thankful, yet it's not just these experiences that cause my thankfulness. I believe that God is growing my capacity for thankfulness. I would say that I am learning to be thankful, but that would over emphasize my own participation in what I am being taught. Simply put, I feel that part of my mind/heart/soul that I has secretly numbed, has since awoken with feeling and recognition.
Tonight, I am thankful for the small blessings of this last week, as well as the big ones. I am thankful that I am able to recognize some of them right now. I am thankful for the lessons I'm being taught by the struggles of the last year. I am thankful for the knowledge that I can pray to the God that created the universe and that He listens. One of the amazing things about faith, is that one can be taught the same lesson over and over again, with increasing levels of understanding and growth. And it feels good to be able to see a part of your heart that is being worked on. It is like watching the artistry of a surgeon, while you are the patient, or like a piece of pottery being able to recognize its maker's hands as it is formed. No rush of emotional energy, no disappointment. A simple place of peace and thankfulness. What it would be like to be here for a whole day.
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