Beyond My Ability

I was driving over to my sister's house to help her move. On my way to the apartment I felt some dire interaction as I was shifting gears. I managed to get the vehicle back home, but third gear seemed to be where first should be. I slid under the truck, mag lite and wrench in hand, prepared to adjust the linkage. I was baffled. The stick was floating free, wrenched from any interaction from the linkage. Both shift rods were thrown forward, suggesting that the transmission should be in both 1st and 3rd gears simultaneously. I was in over my head.

All I felt at that moment was a mild nausea and the need for a hug, yet afterwards I found myself laughing. You see, I like to think that God and I have little inside jokes. I figure, He knows my thoughts, my sense of humour, my history. He knows where my heart is right now better than I do. He knows how much that I want my life back. He knows how much I miss Santa Barbara. He knows how much I miss working with my hands, having friends, being near the water. He knows how much I want to get out of the bay area, and he knows how much money I have in the bank. Really, I know you don't get it, but it's a great joke.

The best part about our little jokes, is that He usually teaches me something. And no this isn't the formal "Please Lord, let me learn something from this situation, like how to make lemonade out of grapefruits...." God really teaches me about my relationship to Himself and my need for Him. There are times when one can fix things themselves, when one can make minor adjustments. There are times when through our own action, our inaction, or by wholly unknown means outside of ourselves, lives, transmissions and the world as we know it are thrown amiss.

There are times when I try to fix these things myself. I will freely muck about in my own automobile/life/relationships, shearing bolts/communication/whatever. There is a lot of stuff that I know how to fix. There is a lot more that I know how to make worse. What's awesome, is that I am getting better at knowing this before I make mess of things. That is to say, I'm being shown more and more, when and where I need ask Christ to work on me and on my life. There are things in my life and in this world that I cannot fix, definitely not by myself. There are certain things that I need to trust to more skilled hands than my own.

It may sound simple and trite, but whatever, if you'd been under my truck with me you'd understand. I think I'll call a mechanic in the morning.